


do you think of me as much as i think of you?

by plantpots



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ALSO tsukki is a second year. and so is yama. but everyone else is the same, Alternate Universe, Blackmail, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, but lovingly, i promise i will provide more context for this au in the a/n, rated T because i like to swear :), yama goes to seijou instead of karasuno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26137333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plantpots/pseuds/plantpots
Summary: There was no way a person like Yamaguchi could like him, romantically speaking. And he meant that in the least self-deprecating way possible.OR: tsukishima develops feelings and karasuno handles it the only way they know how. loving bullying.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 22
Kudos: 159





	do you think of me as much as i think of you?

**Author's Note:**

> SOME CONTEXT before you read this fic... this is all based on a very elaborate au i made with my friend will (hi will <3). we saw that tsukki was supposed to be a second year in the hq one-shot and went... a little ham in the dms. if tsukki was a second year, then what was yama? also a second year at karasuno? and then we were like nah and made him go to seijou for funsies. and then this whole fic happened.

Tsukishima Kei was a dead man.

No. Not dead. No god on earth would ever grant him such a luxury. Even worse. He was... super uncool.

He winced at the thought. This whole situation was embarrassing enough, was it worth inflicting more harm on himself? Just so he could say that at least he was aware of how bad everything had gotten? Absolutely not. Emotions were a curse and Tsukishima so badly wished he was free of them.

It started only a week ago, during a practice game with Aoba Johsai. Everything before that had been going swimmingly, so swimmingly in fact, that Tsukishima could not help but long for those simpler times in the back of his mind. He would gladly welcome Tanaka and Nishinoya annoying him at lunch again if it meant that none of this ever happened. If only he had never joined the volleyball club... No amount of post-win satisfaction (the very little that he felt at that) was worth the blackmail he was currently receiving from his teammates.

If this was karma for being an asshole to his fellow second years (and perhaps by extension, an asshole to everyone), fate could’ve told him in a nicer way, he thinks.

Yamaguchi Tadashi was a player he had never seen before on Seijou’s volleyball team. He had heard his name called for the first time when he was switched in, his teammates yelling to him for a nice serve. He was unsure if him being unaware of the guy was a result of him not being more mindful of those who don’t typically play or if Yamaguchi was just a newcomer that joined that year. He appeared to be a second year as well, but Tsukishima could not recall ever facing him during his time as a first year. He could easily ask, but that would mean blatantly showing interest in someone, and he wasn’t quite sure if he was ready to take that step yet.

It all happened so quickly, anyways. From pondering the existence of Seijou’s new pinch server as he stepped onto the court to laying flat on the floor, his head throbbing with an unfortunately familiar pain (a direct result of Hinata’s countless amount of poorly-aimed serves to the back of his head). Karasuno was already crowding him as he tried to sit up, groaning when the world began to move too fast and lying back down again. He could feel the stares of his teammates on him, clearly nervous to see how he would react to almost being knocked out cold from an attempted service ace. He struggled to find the energy to berate them for just standing around when he heard fast footsteps from the other side of the court coming towards him.

Before he could understand what the hell was happening, someone was kneeling down next to him, cradling his head, soft hands keeping it elevated as they checked his face for signs of life. Tsukishima fought to keep down the embarrassment that was being in such close proximity with someone so suddenly; the boy forcing eye contact as he stared him down for any possible injuries. He felt his ears heat up at just locking eyes with him. Ah. The Seijou pinch server.

When he seemed to gather all the information he needed, Yamaguchi let out a breath he must’ve been holding. Tsukishima could see in his eyes the worry fading into relief and falling right back into guilt; Yamaguchi was far more expressive than he was, he noticed. Although it was probably seconds, the gaze they were giving each other made the moment feel much longer.

... He was still cradling his head. Tsukishima did not know whether to call him out for it or just continue to let it happen, and for one brief moment, his own mind betrayed him by immediately rooting for the latter; a thought he quickly squashed down and repressed to perhaps unpack later.

As if the pinch server had heard his internal monologue, his head was immediately dropped like he had just burned his hands. There was a resounding noise against the court as his head was suddenly slammed back down and Tsukishima groaned again at the impact. What the hell.

“Ah! Oh god, sorry Tsukki! That’s your name right? I’m so sorry about that. And about suddenly touching you. And about that service ace I tried to do. I actually specialize in float serves, but Oikawa-san thought I should start branching out so people don’t expect the same kind of thing from me every time I get called in. But, ah, maybe I shouldn’t have told you that since you are our rivals and –“

Tsukishima held up a hand to stop his rambling, slowly sitting up as his other hand felt around the back of his head to search for any bumps that could now be forming. His head hurt way too much right now to try and absorb any of what he just said. “Shut up Yamaguchi,” he stated bluntly.

He heard a ripple go through the court at his words. Karasuno collectively seemed to turn pale, terrified of how he was now directly disrespecting a member of a team that had volunteered to practice with them out of the kindness of their own hearts. Seijou, on the other hand, was sending him death glares (ones that almost rivaled his own), a few of them even gasping at his sudden rudeness. Tsukishima only slightly regretted his outburst.

But suddenly, Yamaguchi was laughing, taking his demand in stride and allowing it to steady his mind as he stood up, offering a hand down to him. “Yeah, I deserved that a little,” he chuckled out, his hand remaining outstretched.

Ah... His hand. Tsukishima cautiously reached up to grab it and it was just as soft holding it as it was upon his face (an embarrassing thought that would hopefully never see the light of day if he had anything to do with it). He allowed himself to get pulled up by the other and he swore the touch lingered for more than it should have. But before he could even think of the implications of that, Yamaguchi was already beginning to turn away; his hand waving at him as he headed back to his side of the court, a wide grin on his face that made Tsukishima’s heart do backflips. He dumbly felt himself wave back, as if there wasn’t just a net between them, as if he couldn’t still see him from where he was. Ah.

Karasuno had seemed to finally snap out of their shock-induced stupor as Yamaguchi left, asking him if he was okay, if he needed ice, if he needed to sit this match out. Tsukishima simply waved off their concerns as the pounding of his head slowly dulled and the pounding of his heart (embarrassingly) grew louder. God, no. Not like this.

Tsukishima, for the first time in a long while, wanted to keep playing. Wanted to face off against Yamaguchi on the court and see him attempt his serve one more time. Wanted to see how he’d react to him blocking one of their spikes or receiving one of Seijou’s perfectly aimed hits. He felt a heat crawl up his cheeks at just how badly he wanted to impress this boy he had known for approximately 5 minutes at this point. It did not help when Yamaguchi, back in position to try and serve one more time, called out to him across the court before doing so. “Let’s hope I don’t hit anyone this time, right Tsukki?”

(The smile plastered on his face as he hit that jump float serve he talked about earlier was almost unfair.)

The match ended rather uneventfully, with Seijou winning but not without Karasuno putting up a good fight. As Daichi clapped his hands together, signaling the end of their team discussion on improvement, Tsukishima saw Yamaguchi slowly approach them from the other side of the gym, seemingly searching for someone before his eyes halted on him and he grinned. His heart betrayed him once again as it sped up and Tsukishima childishly wished emotions did not exist for a moment.

He pulled away from the group as he headed towards the other boy, those freckles he took no notice of earlier coming into full effect as Tsukishima stared at him questioningly. They suited him, he thought suddenly and for the nth time that day, he shoved down whatever that possibly meant, instead wondering what the pinch server wanted with him.

“Ah, hi Tsukki! I just wanted to properly introduce myself since we kind of got off on the wrong foot...” he trailed off as he rubbed the back of his neck. Was he... nervous?

When the silence continued, the freckled boy staring hard at the ground, Tsukishima cleared his throat and extended a hand out to him.

“Um. I’m Tsukishima Kei. Nice to meet you...?”

“Yamaguchi Tadashi!” He breathed a sigh of relief as he grasped his hand gratefully. “God, sorry about that. I just got super anxious when I realized you’d probably still be mad at me right now and kind of clammed up. I didn’t really think about coming over here all the way through.” He was playing with a piece of his hair as he said this, twirling a strand near his face absentmindedly, a nervous habit Tsukishima desperately tried not to zero in on because... well, because of reasons. He forced himself to look at the other’s face, dragging his attention away from how the hair curled around his finger.

“Oh, I was never mad. Don’t worry about it... I’ve definitely suffered worse,” he decided to add, earning him a laugh from the other boy, one that made something in his stomach flutter without his permission.

“Oh yeah, I was trying not to judge but that orange-haired guy on your team is... not that great at his serves, I noticed,” Yamaguchi put lightly, a smile tugging on his lips as if he was recounting all of Hinata’s failed attempts in his mind.

Tsukishima nodded in agreement, immediately jumping on board to mock his teammate. “Absolutely. He’s a complete dumbass.”

Yamaguchi let out a loud laugh at that, playfully punching him in the shoulder. “Rude! That’s your teammate, y’know?”

“Mmm, but I really wish he wasn’t,” he hummed with an amused grin on his face.

They continued to giggle at Hinata’s expense, poking fun at his in-game quirks, Tsukishima even doing a rather unflattering impression of him at one point just to make the other boy laugh harder. Every time they thought they quieted down, they would share another look with each other and burst into hysterics all over again. It was a good 10 minutes later when he heard someone from Karasuno call his name, cutting off whatever mildly offensive remark he had been wanting to say. He sighed aloud as his name was repeated a few more times from behind him, eventually raising a hand to whoever was pestering him to signal that he could hear them loud and clear, not even bothering to turn and see who it was. He gave Yamaguchi an exasperated look, rolling his eyes dramatically as he (reluctantly) shifted to leave. Before he could even utter a (hopefully not too disappointed) goodbye though, a freckled hand quickly shot out for his wrist.

“Ah...?” Tsukishima was flustered at the bold move. Just when he thought he was getting comfortable with Yamaguchi’s company, he had to go and do something that made his heart feel like it was soaring. This was just getting embarrassing now.

Yamaguchi withdrew his hand just as fast, apologizing as he did so, rubbing his own wrist like he couldn’t believe he actually did that. Tsukishima just continued to stare as the other boy fidgeted. “Sorry about that, but I had to ask. Do you mind me calling you ‘Tsukki’? I figured your teammates would also call you that, but...” and he gestured behind him, presumably to whoever just called for him.

With a speed that he would be regretting for the rest of that day, Tsukishima shook his head. “No, it’s fine. I... I like it,” he stammered slightly, the honesty of his statement making him hesitate. Dammit. And he had been so cool and funny earlier.

Yamaguchi lit up at that though; his ever-bright smile breaking through as he nodded. “Cool! I’ll let you get back to your team now, Tsukki. It was really nice talking to you,” he said sincerely, giving him one last look before he left to go back to Seijou’s side of the court.

“You too...” Tsukishima called out lamely after him, but luckily, the other boy did not seem to hear his piss-poor attempt at delivering a kind sentiment. Before he could let out a sigh at his own behavior, he was suddenly turned around by someone much smaller than him. A quiet gasp escaped his mouth as he spun, but he quickly suppressed the noise once he realized who wanted to talk with him.

“Oh. Hi Nishinoya. How’s the weather down there?” He sneered almost instinctively, his demeanor changing immediately as Yamaguchi left.

Nishinoya pointedly ignored him as a devious grin formed on his face. Well. That’s not usually how this exchange went.

“Hi Tsukki!~ I had no idea you were cool with nicknames now,” he teased, his voice lilting and obnoxious.

Tsukishima made a face, a clear grimace, as he realized Nishinoya, of all people, had overheard his conversation with Yamaguchi.

“Oh? What’s with that expression? Didn’t you say you liked it?” Nishinoya tilted his head slightly as if he was genuinely curious, but Tsukishima knew better.

“Nishinoya,” he gritted out, “please do not refer to me so familiarly. You are already not popular with girls, do you really need to add more fuel to the fire?”

Nishinoya made a noise of annoyance at that, but quickly got over it as he realized Tsukishima’s attempt at deflection. He crossed his arms at him, his face pausing as he tried to think of a good retort.

“... Why so defensive? The nickname was fine just a few seconds ago. I mean, technically, Yamaguchi’s more of a stranger at this point compared to me, your literal teammate,” Nishinoya asked in a sincere tone, but his lips, which were slowly curling back into that devious smile from before, betrayed his actual intention. Was this payback for not letting him have some of his lunch the other day? It was _his_ bento, why was he being guilted into not sharing the food he packed for himself. Yes, he may have called him a “bumbling idiotic knave” a few times (more than a few times) in the process, but it was literally his bento. Tsukishima simply rolled his eyes as he began to turn away. He wasn’t going to give Nishinoya the satisfaction of an answer. But his silence was all the other boy needed apparently, already snickering as Tsukishima tried to leave. He whipped his head around at the sound, narrowing his eyes as Nishinoya pretended to wipe away tears of laughter.

“... What’s so funny,” he demanded, rather than asked, to know.

Nishinoya’s laugh only got louder as he stared at him. “Is this seriously how you act when you have a crush, dude?”

Ah. He froze at that; eyes widening without his permission, the tips of his ears going warm with embarrassment. He laced his hands together absentmindedly as he grew nervous. He’d been caught.

“Erm...” He glanced down at the floor, suddenly very interested in his shoes.

“Oh, I hit the nail right on the head, huh?” Nishinoya smirked with an absurd amount of delight.

“Nishinoya...” He almost pleaded, but he would never admit to doing so. It was one thing to have these feelings, but to have another person know about them was almost too much for him to handle right now. He didn’t want the headaches that came with that

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone! Under one condition,” he propositioned, holding up an index finger as he said ‘one’, a cheeky smile peeking out as he stared up at him.

“... What.”

And that was how his acquaintance-at-best teammate began to blackmail him.

* * *

It was nothing really. Just buy food for him whenever he asked for it, which typically only happened after practice as they all walked home. It still hurt his pride to hand over the money for a meat bun he wasn’t going to eat, but it was marginally better than having the whole team know that he, in fact, did have emotions.

Nishinoya never asked him out loud for food, which he was thankful for. He usually tugged on his sleeve and pointed at what he wanted, a smirk on his face as Tsukishima sighed and went to grab it. He could deal with this. Probably. Maybe.

It was a well-kept secret only for a few days. The routine began as it normally did, a little tug, a smug look, and a point. When Tsukishima sighed again, worrying for his teammate’s health as he grabbed another meat bun, there was a tap on his shoulder from behind. He turned to see who it was and found Ennoshita giving him a small wave.

“Hey Tsukishima,” he greeted casually, a small smile tugging at his lips.

A questioning look must’ve flashed across his face as he nodded back in response. Ennoshita only let out a weird chuckle at that, one that made the blond’s stomach turn slightly.

“So... I realize this may be none of my business, but I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve been buying food more often as of late,” he continued on with intent, not stopping to explain his laugh or his sudden presence or anything.

Tsukishima nodded again, slowly. He did not like the direction this conversation was heading in. If there wasn’t a meat bun currently in his hand, he would be lacing his fingers together already, lacing and unlacing over and over until his teammate spoke again.

“As far as I know, you don’t have the biggest appetite... so I was wondering wh-“

The sweat on his brow evaporated almost immediately as Ennoshita cut himself off, hearing loud footsteps coming their way. Tsukishima had never been so glad to see Nishinoya come bounding down the aisle, letting out a sigh of relief as their small teammate came to a stop in front of them. Now, all he had to do was slip away as Nishinoya inevitably got distracted and...

“Hey! Tsukishima-kun, what’s the hold-up? I’m kind of hungry over here.”

Ah. Never mind. He was going to strangle Nishinoya after this conversation.

He couldn’t control the look of contempt he shot him, and Ennoshita, the ever-observant presence, took notice. Tsukishima could see the gears in his head turning as their words and actions sunk in, and he swore his heart dropped when the thoughtful expression on his face turned into one of complete understanding.

“Oh, I see. I already figured something was going on, which was why I came over to ask, but I didn’t think Nishinoya would be the one behind it,” he mused aloud. “How the hell did you manage to intimidate _him_ into buying you food, Noya-san?” He asked, his voice dropping to a whisper, disbelief clear in his tone.

Nishinoya, while caught off-guard at the sudden (correct) accusation, recovered with a speed that only liberos could operate in. He gave Tsukishima a small glance before turning to Ennoshita with an expression that one could, unfortunately, describe as a gleeful “fuck it”.

“Well...” He trailed off dramatically, gesturing the other to come closer so he could whisper and Tsukishima really was going to kill him. Yes, he could’ve easily thrown them apart, but he wasn’t an idiot. He wasn’t just going to start shit at their coach’s literal family store. Ukai would have him running extra laps for the rest of the year and he didn’t need that on top of whatever the hell was happening right now.

He watched the two whisper to each other, fuming silently as they giggled and pointed to him. He hoped the death glare he was giving them was enough to silence them for eternity after this. When they turned back to look at him, their faces wore near-identical smirks.

“Well, well, well... Noya-san just told me some very interesting things, Tsukishima-kun,” Ennoshita said brightly, like the blond’s whole world was not presently crumbling around him.

“... Uh-huh,” He huffed out, unable to express himself in a way that was appropriate for a public setting.

“Look. I sympathize with you. I understand what it’s like having a huge crush on someone...” His peer trailed off, sneaking a glance at Tsukishima as if to gauge his reaction. The blond only scoffed at the words, turning his head away like that would stop the blush that was now spreading across his face and ears. Ennoshita continued on, clearly satisfied at the embarrassment he was causing him and Tsukishima grimaced as he took back every nice thought he had ever had of him.

“But I do want in on the whole blackmail thing. You see, I’m planning to make this new film soon and I’m kind of in desperate need of some actors...”

“Absolutely not.”

“What? You wouldn’t be the main lead; I just need a supporting cast! C’mon Tsukishima, please,” Ennoshita whined, slightly drawing out the “please” as he attempted to persuade him. “I know your ‘big secret’ now and I won’t tell anyone. Just do me this solid,” he pleaded, clasping his hands together.

Tsukishima reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up in the process. He could feel a headache coming on as he contemplated what his next course of action should be. It was irritating to have to dedicate himself to something he didn’t even care about. (He refused to think of what that implied of him still playing volleyball.) But it would be even more irritating if the rest of the team found out. Weighing the pros and cons of each situation, it was obvious what the better option was. He gritted his teeth as he came to the conclusion, regretting just how much he overestimated Nishinoya’s capability of actually keeping a secret. They were going to have _words_ after this.

“Okay,” he reluctantly agreed. “I’ll... I’ll do it.”

He had never seen Ennoshita grin so widely and he bit back a scoff at his reaction. He was just reveling in Tsukishima’s embarrassment at the whole situation. He briefly wondered if he should reconsider how he treats his fellow teammates if this is what they did to him, but he quickly shook the thought out of his head as he realized who he was talking to again. Why did he voluntarily hang out with these people anyways?

“Nice!” Ennoshita exclaimed, allowing himself the smallest of fist pumps. “Well, I’ve got to get going, but I’ll text you all the details later, Tsukishima. Pleasure doing business with you. And I promise your secret is safe with me!” And with a wave, he was gone, leaving him and Nishinoya alone together.

Before the smaller boy could even say a word, Tsukishima grabbed him by the ear and led him to a corner of the shop that was completely void of people. He predictably complained loudly at how hard he was pulling, but Tsukishima did not budge until they reached their destination.

If it was acceptable to murder someone in public, Nishinoya would be dead where he stands.

* * *

He was beginning to think that his little talk with Nishinoya did nothing to stop him from telling literally everyone on the team.

They were playing another practice match with Seijou, which was enough cause for alarm on its own for Tsukishima as he still couldn’t get their pinch server off his mind... Ever since his brown eyes had stared into his damn soul for no good reason and his entirely too soft hands had held his and his freckles that had him almost obsessed on counting every single one and...

Holy shit, he had it bad. He shook his head hard as if it would shake off these uncharacteristic thoughts. He was supposed to be cool, uncaring, not... whatever the hell he was right now. He dragged a hand over his face as he shifted his thoughts back to why everyone on Karasuno was acting so strangely.

Yamaguchi had come up to him before the match officially started. It was nothing of importance, they just exchanged a few words and wished each other luck today before heading to their appropriate sides of the court. But when Tsukishima had turned to face his team, they all seemed to be giggling about something. His ears _had_ warmed a little when talking to Yamaguchi, but he didn’t think it was that obvious. Right? Probably. Of course. He forced himself to shrug off their weird reactions and went into doing his warm-up stretches. He wasn’t going to worry himself over something that might not even be about him.

It only got worse when they started playing though. Specifically when Yamaguchi got called in to do another one of his noteworthy (for a variety of reasons) serves. As if on cue, a low teasing “oooooo” swept through Karasuno when the Seijou pinch server stepped up to court. Tsukishima felt himself go pink at the sound, unable to fight off his oncoming blush as he whipped his head to glare at his teammates for what they were implying.

“What. The. Hell,” he mouthed at them the best that he could, and those idiots had the audacity to smile like they had no idea what they just did.

This was the last time Tsukishima was ever going to have feelings. Genuinely.

* * *

When the match ended, this time with Karasuno taking the victory, Yamaguchi immediately ran up to congratulate him.

“Nice work, Tsukki!” He complimented easily, holding his hand up for a high-five.

Tsukishima hesitated at the gesture, his eyes ever so slightly going wide at being given another chance to touch his hand. He swiftly let that thought die though as he realized just how ridiculous that sounded. Was he serious? This was literally just a high-five. Why the hell was he making a big deal out of it?

Before he could talk himself out of it, he reached up and gently smacked his hand against the other boy’s. Yes. Totally normal. No indication of a crush whatsoever.

“Oh Tsukki, I think you need to drink some water or something. You’re looking really red...” Yamaguchi pointed out, brows furrowed in concern for his well-being like he wasn’t the one solely responsible for just how flushed he was now. Goddammit.

Tsukishima attempted to school his face back into perfect aloofness as he nodded, not trusting himself to say anything as he lifted his water bottle to his mouth. When he took perhaps a much longer drink than necessary, Yamaguchi made a noise like he was choking on air. He put down his water bottle immediately to see what happened, and saw the boy’s head turned to the side awkwardly, a hand covering his mouth with what looked like the slightest bit of pink dusting his cheeks. But that last part must’ve been wishful thinking on his end. Tsukishima tilted his head slightly as if to question him once the pinch server had turned his attention to him again.

“Oh, sorry! Just had a... tickle in my throat. Yeah,” he lied unconvincingly, his eyes unable to meet his, but Tsukishima was decent enough to know when a topic should be dropped and let it go. He simply nodded and allowed the conversation to drift towards how their game went today, how Karasuno’s receives were way better than last time, how nervous Yamaguchi was to hit him again, how intimidating Tsukishima’s blocks looked on the sidelines... He was just glad that he didn’t bring up whatever the hell his team was doing when Yamaguchi was serving. Maybe he didn’t notice their teasing, too focused on hitting his jump float serve perfectly to even pay attention to the antics that were happening on the other side of the net. 

Tsukishima could feel himself staring as the other boy laughed at another one of his rather insensitive remarks (the victim being Kageyama this time). His head was thrown back, shoulders shaking while that horribly endearing cowlick at the top of his head bounced along with his movement. In his fit of laughter, Yamaguchi had exposed a moderate expanse of his neck, a sight that Tsukishima could not help but swallow at. When he noticed the light smattering of freckles where his neck met his shoulders, trailing further down into the collar of his shirt, Tsukishima felt his hand clench. He wanted to reach up and count those freckles properly, wanted to see just how far they went and where they ended, wanted... His face warmed at the embarrassing line of thinking, relieved that he cut his mind short because he had no idea where he was going with that and he wasn’t going to stick around to find out with the object of his affection literally right in front of him.

He willed the blush away when Yamaguchi came back to him, who was still chuckling a little bit as he gave Tsukishima his full attention again. “Tsukki, you’re a horrible person, you know that?” He teased jokingly, his eyes twinkling with mirth.

Tsukishima pretended to be offended, raising a hand to his mouth in faux disbelief. “How dare you. Who was the one that just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at Kageyama being such an airhead, ‘he should be used as the volleyball the next time around?’” He deadpanned, quoting his own joke.

Yamaguchi quickly relented, holding his hands up in surrender as he laughed a little harder. Tsukishima felt a smile tug at his lips and momentarily wished that he would never have to stop talking to the other boy. He regretted that thought soon after though, feeling even more embarrassed at himself for such an immature desire.

When Yamaguchi finally got over his giggle fit, he grew quiet. The sudden silence felt tense, obvious that the pinch server still wanted to say something, but was unsure of how to go about it. Tsukishima waited patiently as the other got his bearings. After fidgeting for a few moments with his hair, Yamaguchi cleared his throat and looked him in the eye, determination clear in his expression.

“Um, Tsukki... would you mind if we exchanged contact info?”

Tsukishima’s mind short-circuited. He desperately attempted to gain some semblance of calm before his face showed way too much emotion out of nowhere.

“Oh, like my number?” He asked to clarify, heart secretly beating at a mile a minute.

Yamaguchi’s face grew red at the question, but he refused to back down. “Yes. Exactly that.”

Tsukishima nodded, taking care to slow his actions as he took out his phone so he didn’t look too eager. Yamaguchi did the same and they swapped phones to enter in the appropriate information. When they handed each other their devices back, he heard Yamaguchi’s poor attempt at stifling a laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Tsukishima asked defensively.

The pinch server only waved his hand at him. “Nothing, nothing. Just like how you put your full name in here. Feels so formal,” he said with a fond smile, already tapping at his phone’s keyboard to change his contact name. Tsukishima glanced down at his own phone to see what Yamaguchi had put down for his. When he saw “yamaguchi” with a cute little heart next to his name staring back at him, the blond had to force himself not to smile.

“There. Now it’s better,” he declared, turning his phone so Tsukishima could read his new name. It was simply “tsukki” with a moon emoji that followed, but something about it made his ears heat up anyways. He hoped they didn’t look as pink as he thought they were.

“Oh, cute,” he commented casually even though he felt his heart racing again over a stupid custom contact name of all things.

Yamaguchi brightened at that though, a light blush settling on his cheeks as he grinned widely. “I’ll send you a pic of me later so you can use it for my contact image! I should probably get going now, I can already hear Oikawa-san yelling at me for getting too ‘chummy’ with our ‘enemies’,” he sighed exasperatedly, fondness still clear in his voice despite his words.

Tsukishima nodded and they said their goodbyes, Yamaguchi promising him again that he’d text him before walking back to his side of the court. The blond quickly turned away so he wouldn’t stare, missing the way Seijou exploded when Yamaguchi made his way over, waving his phone in the air like he had won a prize.

* * *

Tsukishima, who had been so swept up in the joy that was receiving Yamaguchi’s phone number, realized a little too late that he had forgotten to interrogate his teammates for the stunt they pulled at their last practice match with Seijou. Too much time had already passed since then, which would make it super awkward if he were to bring it up now. And Tsukishima hated having awkward conversations, made him uncomfortable beyond belief. He couldn’t bear to even try and question one of his teammates about what exactly they were thinking. In the end, he decided to just drop it and hoped whatever that happened then was just a one-time thing.

He was still being blackmailed by Nishinoya and Ennoshita, but he found it hard to care when him and Yamaguchi were now texting almost every day.

Talking with him was so easy, so comfortable, that sometimes Tsukishima thought the other boy was just too good to be true. He realized that Yamaguchi didn’t even have to be saying anything particularly interesting for him to get invested in their conversation. He could talk about what he prepared for lunch that day and Tsukishima would still reply within like 5 minutes, tops. Was this extremely embarrassing to admit? Yes. But he genuinely looked forward to hearing whatever the boy had to say. Which was also a lot to admit. He was so screwed.

He buried his face in his arms from where he sat in the gym, trying to brush off how intense these feelings were getting. They were taking a quick break and Tsukishima could not help sneaking a peek at his phone to see if he had received any new text notifications, allowing the smallest of smiles when he saw the pinch server’s name appear on his screen with a message that had way too many exclamation marks. He typed out a quick response and sent it before Daichi found him looking at his phone during practice. He shuddered slightly at how he had reacted when one of the first years got caught texting a friend instead of participating in the team’s receive drills that day. The scolding was scary, even to him, and he wasn’t even the one at fault. The captain was not to be messed with, and because of that, Tsukishima respected him greatly. He refused to think about how Yamaguchi was the only reason he was breaking that respect and risking his life to text him when he shouldn’t.

Unfortunately, Tsukishima’s suffering never ended because right as he put his phone down, Hinata came bounding over to him, taking a long look at his face. The blond quietly scooted his phone a little further away, hoping the distance made it less obvious that he was just on it. “... What the hell do you want?” He decided to say, glaring at him, annoyance evident in his body language.

“You... You were just smiling!” Hinata suddenly yelled, pointing at him as if he were an exhibit at the zoo. Tsukishima felt his ears turn pink at the (loud) observation. Oh god. Why was this happening to him? Of all people?

Hinata’s outburst did not go unnoticed as the rest of the Karasuno members’ heads swiveled towards them. _Nosy_ , he thought with an irritated expression on his rapidly warming face. There was a moment of silence before the team erupted with noise.

“Tsukishima? Smiling? Hinata, do you need to get your eyes checked?” Kageyama said disbelievingly.

“No, no! It’s true! I just saw him smile!” He continued to point like Tsukishima was not right there in front of them. He restrained himself from grabbing the boy’s offending hand and twisting it behind his back. Another time, when he wasn’t completely mortified at what was going on.

“But what would he even be smiling about...?” Sugawara-san mused aloud, a grin growing on his face, one that almost looked knowing to Tsukishima. Oh no.

Most of his teammates snickered at that comment, all except Kageyama, Hinata, and Tanaka who just continued to look on in confusion. Tsukishima refused to look any of them in the eye.

“Hmm... I wonder what it could be...” Ennoshita muttered, pretending to think intently on the matter with a poorly-contained smile.

“Or who!” Nishinoya added on, not even trying to whisper as he blurted out his cheeky comment.

Tsukishima hid his face in his hands, not wanting his teammates to gain any satisfaction in seeing him lose his cool like this. He was not here, this was not happening, he didn’t know any of these people, he actually didn’t know what volleyball was at this point.

Another bout of laughter swept through the group and Tsukishima began to plot his future revenge in full force. Was no one able to keep secrets here? “You guys suck,” he groaned, ruffling his hair as he raised his head up again. “I hope you all know how much I hate you guys.”

“Oh, sure you do. That’s why you keep playing volleyball with us. Because you hate us so much,” Tanaka dumbly taunted him, even though he still had no clue why everyone was laughing. 

Sugawara-san smacked their teammate lightly on the back of his stupid bald head as a warning. The action raised the blond’s spirits a little bit, shooting his peer a smirk while he rubbed at the spot that had gotten hit. His glee did not last long as Sugawara-san turned his attention back to him.

“Anyways, Tsukishima-kun. You should seriously just ask him out already. We all kind of know by now, so there’s no reason to keep hiding it,” he said plainly with a shrug, like it was that easy. “It’s pretty clear he likes you too considering how much he talks to you.”

Tsukishima spluttered. He had expected a lot of teasing from his team, but actual advice? He turned his face away from them again, not daring to look at any of their expressions. They were _not_ about to convince him to confess to Yamaguchi. He’d rather they continue their loving bullying over genuine guidance. He didn’t even believe the second half of Sugawara’s words anyways. There was no way a person like Yamaguchi could like him, romantically speaking. And he meant that in the least self-deprecating way possible. He was well-aware of how intolerable he was, and he wore it like a badge of pride. The fact that Yamaguchi was able to become friends with him despite that exceeded any expectation he had unknowingly set on him. To even think that there was a possibility of “more”... It was simply out of the question.

He shook his head in disagreement. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Sugawara-san,” he sighed, pulling his legs close to his chest so he could prop his head on his knees. “That kind of thing just... isn’t going to happen.”

There was a long pause after he said that, tense and almost a little... pitying. Tsukishima hated it.

He cleared his throat after a moment, anything to stop the silence. “How did you guys... find out, by the way? Did Noya-san...?”

“Of course not! Not after last time!” Nishinoya piped up, feeling his character get attacked.

Their teammates gratefully ignored the interaction, too busy looking at each other with an expression Tsukishima could not decipher. Then, like his question had opened the floodgates, they all began to talk at the same time.

“I don’t know what Noya-san is talking about but well... when you talked to him at our practice games with them...”

“You had this look on your face...”

“A really dumb look.”

“And after that second time you talked to him...”

“You looked almost dazed. Like, you couldn’t believe something just happened.”

“Not to mention how you’ve been lately. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you on your phone so much.”

“Yeah, in the club room this morning, I literally saw you laugh at something on your phone. And not the laugh that you use to mock us! A genuine one!”

“So, it was pretty easy to jump to the conclusion that he gave you his number and you two have just been texting non-stop since then.”

“It just made sense to assume you have a big ol’ crush on him.”

There was a brief moment where everyone who was in the know just nodded at each other, glad that they had all arrived at the same page. Hinata, Kageyama, and Tanaka continued to look on in confusion, but no one paid them any mind as their gazes turned back to Tsukishima, who had grown scarily quiet. Expecting him to be furious, the group collectively had to do a double take when they saw just how flustered he had gotten, face fully red as he pointedly ignored any eye contact.

He spoke up again as the room waited for his response, voice uncharacteristically vulnerable. “Was I... really that bad?”

“Tsukishima-kun, it was, ah... How can I put this nicely?” Asahi-san struggled, looking at his other third years for assistance.

“It was painfully obvious,” Daichi-san deadpanned, causing the other members to nod in agreement.

Tsukishima let out a long frustrated groan. He truly thought he was keeping his emotions in check around Yamaguchi, but if his teammates were able to discern his crush from far away, then who knows what Yamaguchi thought from being in such close proximity with him. His mind was replaying every interaction they had ever had together, fidgeting with his hands nervously as he examined and re-examined every incident of him being an infatuated idiot.

Suddenly, there was a steadying hand on his shoulder, breaking him out of what was certainly not his first Yamaguchi-related spiral. “Hey, Tsukishima. We only noticed because _we_ know you. I’m sure he doesn’t, if that’s what you’re afraid of,” Sugawara-san spoke softly. “And even if he did, he doesn’t seem like the type of person to judge.”

“We only tease because we’ve never seen you like this before. It’s very sweet,” Narita offered.

“And disgusting,” Kinoshita added, earning a slap on the arm from Ennoshita.

As he looked out over his teammates, Tsukishima was overcome with the feeling of... something. Was this... Camaraderie? He made a face at the thought, but he did feel soothed by what his teammates said. His crush on Yamaguchi must’ve been changing the way his brain works if he was genuinely feeling glad that Karasuno was supporting him in their own horrible little way. Holy shit.

He coughed a little into his arm, like that would physically expel the unexpected gratefulness he was currently feeling for his team. “Um... Thanks,” he murmured lamely, completely unprepared for this turn of events.

Sugawara-san just patted his shoulder again before pulling away, the other members shooting him some nervous grins as chatter slowly returned to other things. Before Daichi could clap his hands and signal the end of their break, Tanaka finally broke his silence, garnering everyone’s attention as he slowly stood up.

“Wait a fucking second... Tsukishima likes someone?!”

And the gym exploded again.

* * *

After that whole fiasco, Tsukishima had another talk with Nishinoya and Ennoshita on the status of their “arrangement”. According to them, even though all of Karasuno was aware of his crush on Yamaguchi now, that didn’t mean they couldn’t tell other people about it. Which they wouldn’t. But they could. And Tsukishima could not fight against their stubbornness and flawed logic no matter how hard he tried. For his own brain’s sake, it was just easier to keep going with it. He was already stressing himself over something else anyways.

He had actually gone out with Yamaguchi a few times now, the freckled boy inviting him to the movies and the like, but none of these he considered as dates. It was just two friends hanging out and nothing more. It didn’t matter that every time he sat in those damn movie theater seats, which were placed so close to each other that he could always hear Yamaguchi’s small intake of breath as the film revealed a plot twist Tsukishima had called an hour ago, his hand always itched to hold his. He could not count the times he had just stared at the other boy’s hand, barely making it out in the dark of the theater as it lay on the armrest between them, taunting him. It would be so easy to just put his hand on top of his, so simple to intertwine their fingers, so natural to hold tight and squeeze.

But of course, he didn’t. Couldn’t even find the courage to lift a finger, which was entirely too pathetic of him considering how effortlessly he could pass it off as an accident if he reacted negatively.

He just couldn’t take the rejection. Which he supposed was some kind of dramatic irony from God himself once he thought about his own reputation at school. He was a bit infamous for rejecting every person who confessed to him, but what else was he supposed to do. Lie about his feelings and go out with them anyways? Where was the sense in that?

He could never understand the confessions from people he barely even knew. But they possessed a certain kind of confidence he desperately wished he could summon, especially now that he was seriously thinking of telling Yamaguchi how he felt.

While he had pushed back against Sugawara’s initial advice of confessing, once his upperclassman had planted that seed in his head, he just couldn’t stop thinking about it. Although he was terrified of what would happen if (when) he got rejected, this whole crush thing was becoming more and more of an inconvenience. Weighing his options, it was just the better choice than to continue being how he was now. He hated the way his heart squeezed when he saw Yamaguchi smile, the way his face heated up so quickly when he sat too close to him, the way his mind wandered when he was being too endearingly cute, unable to stop imagining what it would be like to just slip his hand in his and compliment him to his face without feeling like a weirdo. It was that bad. And he needed to stop this before it got even worse... Before he started embarrassingly waxing poetic about the boy’s freckles, which he had already come close to doing a few times now.

His feelings overwhelmed him; no amount of repression could save him when he felt this strongly about the other. By confessing, he could finally end all of this painful pining and hopefully return to normal. He was already thinking of getting a jumpstart on recovering from his eventual broken heart.

He planned to tell him after one of their “dates-but-not-dates-because-they’re-just-friends-and-that’s-fine”, the setting sun behind them so at least when he got let down, it would be pretty.

* * *

When they walked out of the theater together, dim orange light casting its rays on everything it could see, Tsukishima knew it was time. No backing out now or else he’d never go through with it. He ran through what he had rehearsed in the mirror that morning, wincing briefly when he remembered his brother walking in on him as he gave his own reflection an impassioned speech about how important he was to him. He would have to deal with that later when he got home since he had refused to explain what the hell he was doing in the moment. Dread was already filling his steps before he could even begin his confession.

He cleared his throat before Yamaguchi got too far ahead of him. The brunet quickly stopped in his tracks, directing his attention towards him with a questioning look in his eye. He cocked his head slightly to the side. “Hm? Tsukki?”

Oh god. Oh shit. Oh god. “Erm... Hey.” Oh real fucking smooth.

Yamaguchi only grinned at his eloquence. “Hey!” He greeted back ever so softly. Tsukishima wished he could pillow his head with that voice.

“I... I really need to tell you something,” he decided to continue, his fingers threading together as he grew increasingly nervous. Yamaguchi seemed to notice this, glancing down at his hands and back up to his face. His expression seemed to flicker with something that looked a lot like hope, but Tsukishima didn’t trust himself, not with his heightened emotions.

He took a deep breath as he barreled on. This was going to kill him. “Uh... So...” He trailed off, his mind completely going blank as he continued to stare at Yamaguchi. “Erm...”

Shit. The golden hour lighting was a mistake. The other boy was practically glowing, his brown eyes shining, his freckles bathed in a soft light that made them stand out even more. Yamaguchi gazed inquisitively at him, confused as to why he had just stopped talking. “You still there, Tsukki?”

The blond snapped out of his trance, shaking his head furiously like he was attempting to regain focus. “Yes,” he squeaked out before coughing into his arm suddenly, clearing his throat. “I mean, yes,” he repeated, voice returning to its normal pitch. Embarrassing. “What I was trying to say was... Well, we’ve known each other for a while now, right?”

He lapsed back into silence, waiting for a reply even though he knew that last sentence was framed more like a rhetorical question. Yamaguchi eventually got the hint and spoke up after a moment. “... Yes? Where are you going with this?” He asked with a confused smile, urging him to continue.

“Right, well... I was thinking... Um.” Oh god. Tsukishima was starting to regret this decision. He couldn’t stop stumbling over his words, couldn’t stop getting distracted by how good Yamaguchi looked. His nerves were fully getting to him as the script he had prepared flew out the window. This was the worst case scenario.

“Remember when we first met and you served right into my face with a volleyball? Like really hard?” Nope, that is not what he wanted to say at all. He saw Yamaguchi visibly cringe as he was forcibly reminded of the first impression he made on the blond. “Well, despite all that... Um... We became friends,” he muttered, attempting to save his own blunder. Holy shit, this was bad.

Yamaguchi only nodded, his face shifting for a second like he had realized something before going back to being mildly concerned for Tsukishima’s health and well-being.

“Okay, hold on, let me start over. Erm,” he tried again, immediately stuttering. He was going to die here.

Before he could beat himself up even more for how poorly this confession was going, Yamaguchi grabbed his wrist out of nowhere, pulling his hand out of the tight hold he had on it. Tsukishima’s face must’ve looked extremely alarmed because Yamaguchi was laughing as he looked directly at him, maybe even right through him.

“Tsukki... Please stop,” he pleaded. Tsukishima felt his heart sink at that, but Yamaguchi didn’t allow the feeling to stay for long as he slowly intertwined his hand with his. What?

His heart hammered in his chest, more so than ever before. He was sure his hand was super sweaty as the full extent of what just happened hit him. But he couldn’t find it in him to pull away. Yamaguchi was holding his hand... He felt his face flush, warmth spreading throughout his entire body. He quietly pinched his leg with his other hand, just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. Holy shit.

“I thought it’d be really cute to hear you confess, but this is actually kind of painful to watch,” Yamaguchi admitted, his free hand going up to rub nervously at the back of his neck.

Tsukishima felt his mind go numb as he gaped at him. “You... you knew?”

“Well, I _just_ realized you’ve been trying to confess to me for the past 10 minutes, so don’t give me any credit for that. But I did have a sneaking suspicion that you liked me a while ago. I wasn’t entirely sure, but hey, here we are,” he grinned widely, squeezing his hand in reassurance.

“Ah... Well. Thanks for saving me from even more embarrassment,” he attempted to sound aloof, but he was sure his pure happiness at the situation was seeping through into his voice.

Yamaguchi stepped closer to him, grabbing a hold of his other hand as he smiled slyly at him. “I don’t know... I’d kind of still like to hear what you had to say.”

Tsukishima pouted, not that he would ever say he did. “Absolutely not. Can I just say ‘I like you’ and leave it at that?”

The other boy hummed like he was genuinely considering his offer. “Hmmm. Okay, but I’ll have to add a little something to make up for it,” he giggled. Tsukishima didn’t question him further on that as he was too busy mentally preparing himself for what he was about to say.

“Okay,” he said, steadying himself with a deep breath. “I really like you, Yamaguchi. Will you go out with me?”

He felt his hands leave his grasp, sliding up his arms as they came to rest upon his face, cupping his cheeks gently.

“God, I thought you would never ask,” he sighed more than said, face breaking into the broadest smile Tsukishima had ever seen, one that had him reeling so hard, he didn’t even notice how close Yamaguchi had gotten until they were literally nose to nose.

“Oh,” he breathed once he realized, his heart almost stopping as those stupidly brown eyes made contact with his own.

“Oh,” Yamaguchi repeated. “... Can I add that thing I mentioned earlier now?” He asked with a cheeky grin, voice dropping to a whisper as his eyes flickered down to his lips. Tsukishima could only nod, a lump forming in his throat as he realized what was about to happen. He slowly raised his hands from his sides and covered the ones that were already on his face.

“I’ve been wanting to do this for so long,” Yamaguchi muttered, closing the distance.

* * *

It is a full month later when he tells Nishinoya and Ennoshita that he is dating Yamaguchi, both of them spluttering as he confirms that he is not joking in the slightest.

“Why did you only decide to tell us now? That means we’ve been blackmailing you for no reason this last month! And you just let it happen!” Nishinoya exclaims, pointing at his chest furiously.

“Well, Yamaguchi found out the other day and told me to ‘get a grip’, which, yes, he was right, but he didn’t have to say it like that,” he frowns petulantly as he is reminded of the memory. “Anyways, he got a little mad at me for letting it continue for this long, so I’m asking you to stop making me buy you food now that the whole ‘secret crush’ thing is irrelevant now.”

Ennoshita pinches the bridge of his nose as he processes this, coming to a realization only a second later when he hears Tsukishima’s choice of words.

“Wait, what about our movie deal?” He asks, confused as to why Noya is the one being specifically asked to stop.

Tsukishima blushes suddenly, fidgeting with his fingers as he looks off to the side. “Ah... When I told him about your blackmail... He actually thought it’d be cool if I did the movie so... I’m going to keep doing it, if that’s alright with you,” he murmurs, extremely embarrassed. Ennoshita’s confusion quickly fades away at hearing his answer, clapping him on the shoulder as he nods, saying that they’d be happy to keep him on board. He would have to thank Yamaguchi personally for helping him not lose an actor this far into filming.

Nishinoya is pouting in the corner when this occurs, still unable to believe the news Tsukishima has brought them. He grasps at his head, pulling at his hair as he groans. “Gah, I feel so bad nowwww!”

“... Only now...?”

* * *

It is a couple of weeks later when Karasuno and Seijou play another practice match together. This time, when Yamaguchi gets called in, the childish “oooooo”s come from both sides of the court.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! i hope you enjoyed this very self-indulgent fic lol  
> kudos/comments very much appreciated <3  
> oh and find me @lovpotions on twt or @yamguchii on tumblr


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